Adoptees and Self Care
February 2024
Adoption is a unique journey that brings with it a tapestry of emotions, identity questions, and a quest for belonging. In the intricate dance of self-discovery, adoptees often face challenges that eventually make self-care a crucial aspect of their well-being. But how does one achieve or recognize self care and what does it look like? For each adoptee, this may look very different. I know for myself as an adoptee, it took years for me even to acknowledge that I was an adoptee. In the past, self care was the furthest thing from my mind and has as a result taken years to recognize, survival ranking 1st and foremost. Fortunately, this has changed and today self care has found its way as a priority for me.
Understanding the Adoptee Experience:
The adoption journey is multifaceted, involving the complexities of navigating questions surrounding identity and roots. For me, this has meant admitting that I am an adoptee and that my emotional needs are worth naming and resolving. In the past I was so busy being a chameleon (i.e being what others expected me to be), that I made sure not to have my own identity. Today after years of denial, I own my identity proudly as an adoptee, a mother and a grandmother.
The Importance of Self-Care for Adoptees:
For adoptees, self-care becomes an essential tool for coping with the emotional stressors that may arise throughout their lives. In my past, the ways I described self care meant being resilient, adaptable, always happy (or appearing that way) and living in a silent reality of denial. What self care means to me today is: acknowledging my emotions, working through them, being honest with myself when things don’t feel right, admitting my mistakes, learning from them and being comfortable within my own skin.
Unique Self-Care Needs for Adoptees:
Adoptees may have specific self-care needs rooted in their journey of self-discovery. Exploring issues related to identity, self-esteem, and a sense of belonging becomes paramount. As an adoptee, what are your favorite self care techniques?
Support Systems for Adoptees:
Building a robust support system is crucial for adoptees. Therapeutic interventions, support groups, and open communication within families offer spaces for healing and understanding. Acknowledging and embracing the complexities of the adoptee experience within a supportive community can provide a solid foundation for a nurturing self-care routine.
A large part of my self care today involves admitting that I need others, that I am not an island unto myself, in spite of my past beliefs. Having a support system of true, trustworthy friends not just good ones, joining a support group for all members of the Adoption Triad, being a Board member of a statewide Adoption and Guardianship Consortium, being emotionally connected to blood family, working with a competent therapist to address past issues of trauma— all contribute to my support today.
Practical Self-Care Strategies:
Practical self-care strategies tailored to adoptees can include activities that promote emotional well-being and self-discovery. Some of my favorites are gardening, walking, biking, resting, reading, watching movies and being with family and friends who “get” me and laughing.
Cultural and Heritage Connection:
Connecting with one's cultural or heritage background can be a powerful form of self-care for adoptees. Embracing and celebrating one's roots contribute to a more profound sense of self and provide a bridge to understanding one's identity within a cultural context. For me, this has translated into having an awareness of the different class structures I have been exposed to and how they have affected me. Most importantly, it means finding a sense of self in my current culture that I am proud of while also being actively engaged in civic activities.
Overcoming Stigmas and Stereotypes:
Adoptees often face stigmas and stereotypes that can impact their mental well-being. When I am asked what led to my starting my Adoptee Counseling business, this is the primary driving force behind why I chose this career. I have lived through years of stigma and silence and I choose now to be heard and recognized for my unique strengths and talents while also helping other adoptees find their voices while navigating this journey of self identity.
Personal Stories and Testimonials:
Real-life stories from adoptees who have navigated the intricate landscape of adoption with a focus on self-care can provide inspiration and validation for others on a similar journey. As adoptees, we have all too often been isolated from other adoptees which makes it all the more important for us to tell our truths in a manner that helps us grow our identity.
Adoptees, like everyone else, deserve to be heard and acknowledged. Nurturing the self is not only an act of self-love but also a journey toward embracing one's identity and finding solace in the tapestry of their own story. As an adoptee myself and a psychotherapist, I am here to listen to your stories with a perspective from lived experiences and education.
In peace.
Abby Jacobson, Adoptee Counselor
