To Mask or Not to Mask

October 2023

The month of October is most predominantly about change, and with it comes Halloween, a time of costumes, make believe, and trick or treat. As a child, this month meant cooler weather, jumping into piles of raked leaves, lots of soccer games, and talking about what costume to wear for Halloween.

As an adoptee, as someone who didn’t want to be noticed and as someone who had already been wearing my own version of a mask regarding my true identity, I was never quite sure how to “dress up.” Throughout the years, I had learned how to become a chameleon so that others wouldn't know the real me, wouldn’t know the real story behind my “mask”. I also knew how to fit in and so if I was expected to partake in the celebration of Halloween, I would do it because I could. My costumes, needless to say, were downright boring and not at all creative. As a foster child and then adoptee, knocking on other peoples' doors and saying “trick or treat” was humiliating for me...it was another handout even if it was well intended.

Fast forward to today...it's taken years for me to figure out how to acknowledge the “spirit” of Halloween, but like so many holidays, I’ve slowly learned to adapt to them and create rituals that make sense to me, as an adoptee. In doing so, bit by bit, my mask has begun to come off as well as having no more need to stay behind it.

In peace.

Abby Jacobson, Adoptee Counselor